Those Words given by A Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk between men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - spending a few days away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."